Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Excitingly Uneventful

I have a huge, exciting, wonderful update for you....NOTHING!

Absolutely nothing is going on right now! It has been nearly a month since I posted and nothing has happened. Boring?! Heck no! Do you know how long I waited for nothing life-altering, emotional, stressful, etc. to be happening? A looonnnggg time. We are living a blissfully normal, quiet, calm life.

Squeaks continues to grow happy and healthy. We started taking her to a kind of Gymboree-esk class every week. Her enjoyment of it comes and goes, but I think we'll stick with it. They focus on building and improving fine motor skills, social skills, strength, balance and the like. It's nice for her and I to get out of the house together and do something other than errands, and I think it'll be a nice alternative to the park on those hundred-degree California summer days. 

Our little boy kicks and kicks. Experiencing a healthy pregnancy is still very surreal and, as I look back, makes me realize just how different my pregnancy with Evelyn was. In fact, little dude, is growing so well, I'm not really considered high risk any more. We've started work on his room and planning a shower. I'll share most of the details on those events on my other blog though.

Speaking of blogging. This two separate blogs thing has been on my mind. While I feel it's appropriate since I'm treating my other blog specifically as a pregnancy blog right now, I don't want to separate them so much in the future. It feels like each kid has their own blog. Weird. So, I think after little dude's arrival in September, plans will be underway for a new family blog. Don't know what that will look like yet, but it'll be awesome of course.

And so, we live on. A life I never imagined would be this good. God has blessed our whole family and we have so many happy things to look forward to. Josh's younger sister is getting married (in September!) and so that brings party planning and excitement. We have a cousin getting married in September (!!), a cousin getting married in June, and a cousin graduating high school. Life is full, and not just with big stuff. It's the small everyday stuff that adds so much joy too. I enjoy watching Squeaks grown and learn everyday. Talking is starting! (Maybe that should be another post. It's too exciting.) I'm helping a friend redecorate her daughter's room. Josh and my mom will be starting BSF with me (in September!). I continue to volunteer with a local pregnancy center. Josh and I celebrate nine years of marriage in July. We go to Disneyland as often as possible. Seriously, life right now, compared to what it was just a few short years ago.... speechless. Is it the calm after the storm or the calm before another storm? Only God knows, but He will watch over us, provide for us, and love us no matter what.
One of my favorite pictures from mother's day this year. Isn't she just the best!?

Friday, May 8, 2015

Birth Mother's Day

The Saturday before Mother's Day is celebrated by some as Birth Mother's Day. 

Squeaks birth mom doesn't strike me as the kind of woman who would like to have a separate day to celebrate motherhood and her decision to place Squeaks for adoption. Admittedly, it has been awhile since I've been in contact with "M" (Squeak's birth mother). That's just the way things have panned out. Hopefully not a permanent thing. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Whether we speak daily, or yearly, we are connected for life and she is always in my thoughts and prayers. 

From the short time we spent together in the hospital and the contact we had the months after, I don't think "M" would find a separate day necessary. And, for my family's personal needs/emotions, I don't need a separate day either. I have absolutely nothing against the day or those who choose to celebrate Birth Mother's Day. Not. At. All. Can't say that enough. This is a totally personal opinion. (In other words, please don't be mad at me for this post.)

"M" spoke and acted like her decision was an obvious one in her mind. Not to say she never showed sadness. She did. She's a mother. Squeaks was her third child. She knows what it's like to give birth too and raise a child. I don't believe she loves Squeaks any less than she loves her two older children, so why would she need to separate the days on which she celebrates her motherhood?

I may be way off base. I may be totally wrong and I'm just putting words in "M"'s mouth. In my mind, "M" is a mother. She's Squeaks mother, no less so than I am. Just in a different way. Nothing I do in our daughter's life would mean anything without "M". 

Especially now, as I feel my son move inside me, the strength and love Squeaks' birth mom showed in placing her for adoption blows my mind. Being pregnant again has stirred up emotions for "M" that I never want to forget. Emotions I don't think I'll ever be able to put into words. Imagine splitting your mothering world in half. The world where you are physically and spiritually connected to your child before seeing their face, and the world where your heart walks around outside your body as you nurture your child's growth. Separate those two parts of motherhood into two people. It's difficult and beautiful and painful and otherworldly. To separate my celebration of her into a day apart from "mine" just doesn't feel right. In fact to give her only one day a year doesn't feel right either. 
Happy Mother's Day "M".

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